Tag Archives: Improvisational Theatre

Doing or Saying One Thing A Day That Scares You

With all the writing in the popular press about the New Year and setting resolutions, intentions, or defining goals  I couldn’t help stopping to reflect on how I treat the start of the new year.  I do use it a time of reflection – to stop and look back over the past year and to launch a few intentions, dreams and desires for 2014.  The reality is I do this type of reflecting regularly.  It’s about living my life on purpose.  I stop and ask myself what it means for me in this moment to be “on purpose”.  The New Year is a spark to step into that reflection.

Because I’m reflecting regularly, the outcome is often to renew or reshape some intention I have expressed before.  For example one intention I keep coming back to is Do One Thing a Day That Scares Me.  Here’s why…

That intention has inspired me to be vulnerable.  To speak my truth.  To express my gifts.  To let people know they matter to me.  In summary – to take risks that come from revealing an inner part of myself.  It has indeed been scary.  And wonderful!

When I set that intention at the beginning of 2011 part of me had ideas like bungee jumping and other physical activities in mind.  I had begun reading the work of Brené Brown on vulnerability and shame and I had been studying Non-Violent Communication for a few years, endeavouring to put it into practice.  I came to realize what I had to say and how I reached out for connection – that I reached out for connection period! – were some of the scariest things I could ever do.  Do one thing a day that scares me and Say one thing a day that scares me became interchangeable.

It meant noticing when I hesitated to make a phone call to a potential client, reminding myself of my intention, and then going for it even though I was scared.  It meant submitting proposals for workshops and risking the rejection.  It meant telling the people I love that I love them.  It meant having conversations with a friend with cancer when I was anxious about saying the “wrong” thing.   In all of these cases it could have been easier, less anxious, indeed less scary to just not do anything.

So why did I do them?  Because I had set an intention?  Is that what motivated me?  I set my intention because I was curious about discovering what holds me back in my life.  As I stepped further into that exploration, I discovered that a rather persistent voice was present.  It was so persistent is was almost like white noise.  I didn’t realize it was always there, the default station playing on my inner radio.  And its public service or should I say dis-service message was “I am not enough.”

It is the voice of shame.  It is the voice that can have me feeling “less than”. It is the voice that believes I won’t find connection, that I won’t be liked, that I won’t belong because of some aspect of self.  Powerfully un-empowering stuff!

And so what did I do with this discovery?  In Catherine world I read books on the subject and I take workshops.  And I talk to my “digestors” – a small group of people with whom I feel a sense of safety and being held.  (More on this group in a future post and why you might want to consider having such a group too.)  My curiosity drives my learning and growth. My digestors give me the space to express what is percolating for me in that learning and growth process.  They listen.  They provide empathy.  And when asked, they offer ideas, possibilities, advice, solutions.   Through all of that I integrate.  I endeavour to be gentle with myself.  I move forward.

I’ve learned a great deal about shame and vulnerability in these last few years.  Whatever I learn about myself becomes part of the work that I offer to the world.  It is why I love being a Life Coach.  I get to keep working on me (which even with its trials and tribulations I have a thirst to do) and then share that learning with my clients.

I hope you are seeing the value in stopping to reflect and launching your intentions, dreams, and desires.  They can be an amazing catalyst for what comes next in your life.  So I invite you to reflect on what it means to be “on purpose” in your own life.  And why not consider doing one thing a day that scares you in the coming months?  Wonder where it might take you…

To facilitate your journey I have a few offerings coming up that might be of interest:

1) Four consecutive Monday evenings – a program on vulnerability and shame for men through Manology beginning on January 13th, 2014.  We look at that voice of “I am not enough” and how to strengthen the voice of “I am enough.”  We’ll walk the bridge of shame resilience.

2) A one day workshop entitled “Life is One Big Improv” on March 8, 2014.  This will be an interactive workshop that will blend theory with practice.  We’ll explore shame and vulnerability concepts and then use a variety activities including improvisational theatre techniques as a way to try that learning on.  An opportunity to discover where you hold yourself back – an opportunity to do one thing (or two) that scares you!  A day to celebrate being enough.

More details can be found on my Schedule page.

Warmly and purposefully,

Catherine

 

 

Life is ONE BIG IMPROV

Think about where you were and what you were doing exactly one year ago.  Did you know then what you would be doing right now?  Did you know then what life was going to bring your way in the last 12 months?

Maybe you had an inkling.  Or you set some intentions so you had a rough idea of what you were hoping you’d be doing and where you’d be on the journey of life right now.

But for the most part, we have no way of predicting with clarity exactly what life will hold.  Let me speak for myself anyway – I generally have no idea what I’m going to be doing a year from now.  Yes, I have a plan.  Yes, I set intentions.  And when I launch those intentions out into the Universe I always add “This or something better.”  I’m open in my life to those things that are nowhere on my horizon right now.  I’ve come to love those things – those people – those possibilities – that I can’t image in this moment.

Let me give you an example. I’d just finished my swim at Kits Beach Pool on Saturday late afternoon and was contemplating leftovers.  Checked my phone and there’s an invite to dinner.

Everyday I read something or get a call or email from someone that takes me to an idea, a website, a possibility that wasn’t on the horizon at all before that moment.  And here’s the thing, I want to fully step into those moments.  I want to say yes to those moments. I wanted to say YES to dinner but….

Sometimes the voices of NO are way louder than the voices of YES.  Now sometimes a NO truly is a NO.  But sometimes, and for me often times, the NO is accompanied by the voices of

  • I can’t do that.
  • Not possible.
  • I don’t have experience or the skills.
  • I’m scared.
  • I’m not creative enough.
  • I’m not ________ enough.  Submit your descriptor here! 

In other words the NO is accompanied by some form of resistance.  Sure that resistance is my friend – its trying to keep me safe – but gall darn it – what if that resistance is starting to hold me back?

 

In my dinner example, the first voices, when I received the invitation were:

  • I’m in yoga pants and my hair is wet – I’m not dressed for a dinner.
  • I don’t have anything with me.  I’ll be showing up empty handed.
  • I don’t know these people that well.  
  • The text came in over an hour ago.  They’ve probably already started.

I stepped in guided by the principles of improvisational theatre or “improv”.  I expressed some of my fears to my potential host.  She said come, just come.  So I showed up empty handed with wet hair and yoga pants.  Met new people.  Had a great time!  Life gave me an offer, or a gift as it is often referred to in improv, and I said YES to it.

If you’d like to learn more about the principles of improv and how you can use them purposefully to live more fully in your life – to say YES to the possibilities that come along – come play with me in Douglas Park in Vancouver this August.  For four consecutive Thursday evenings I’ll be sharing the principles of improv, we’ll be playing some improv games, we’ll be relating it to life, and we’ll be having FUN!  I’ll be teaching a more formal workshop on this in September, and for now, come discover and have fun.  Say YES – to one evening or all four!  Notice any resistance and come anyway.  When you started reading this blog you didn’t know you’d be doing improv in Douglas Park in August…

Details of the August Improv in the Park available here…