Author Archives: admin

Easy or Hard

I was in the Redwood National Forest Information Center in Crescent City, California recently.  I wanted information on possible hikes in the local area. The Ranger recommended a short hike, accessed via a road he recommended traveling as well.  I had asked for about 3 hours worth of hikes with a rating of easy to moderate.

He sort of apologized for the shortness of the hike and the ease of driving the road.  He then justified – or at least that is how it felt to me – the drive.  He said both the drive and the hike had some of the most amazing trees to look at.

Here’s the possibility for exploration – I actually needed him to justify the drive and explain the ease of the hike.  In my mind I was thinking “How can it be worth it?  What could I see in a 30 minute hike?  Driving?  That doesn’t seem very nature like.”

It all comes down to my underlying beliefs.  There is one that comes up a lot of me and I suspect for many of you too – if it isn’t hard, if it doesn’t take effort, then it can’t be good enough, or it can’t be worth it.  Let me say that another way – if I don’t work hard, if it doesn’t take me a lot of effort, then I’m not good enough, I’m not worth it, and whatever I’ve produced or done isn’t good enough.

Hmmm…who says it all has to be hard?  As I explore my gifts and what I’m meant to do in this world, I keep coming up against this belief.  Here’s the trick about your gifts – they are often the things you do with ease, things you don’t even know you are doing when you do them so readily and easily.

Here’s an example.  I’m a good listener.  I’ve always been a good listener.  I didn’t know I was a good listener.  My friends did.  They tell me that’s why they always call me when they have something to work through, when they need someone to listen. But I didn’t spend 10 years doing various degrees at university learning how to listen.  So how can listening be something of value? I haven’t worked hard to learn how to do it and I have ease around it.

What if accomplishment and value didn’t have to come from “hard”?  What if living life, coming from an energy of ease was enough?  Was magnificent?

 

I Slapped a Friend

I didn’t mean to slap my friend.  And the reality is I didn’t physically slap her.  But she told me it felt like I had when I denied her experience. It was a metaphorical slap of disregard.

I’ve been working on my website.  Learning the ins and outs of WordPress.  Figuring out which theme to use – the look and feel for my site.  The themes I was looking at came with some possible images to use on the header (the top part) of each page.

I was showing an early draft of the site to my friend, anxious to get her feedback.  She told me she liked the image to which I responded “Oh that’s just a canned image anyone can use.”

Slap.

Because she’s such a good friend she stopped me right there, right then and told me she felt like she had just been slapped.  She’s right.  My response denied her experience.  She truly enjoyed the image.  She had told me why she was enjoying the image, describing different aspects of it, and I had chosen not to hear her enjoyment.  She felt devalued – both in terms of her taste and her opinion.

And the reality is it is a beautiful image. There is nothing “just” about it. I truly am grateful that image exists in the world.  I had chosen it because it had touched me too.  It felt like it fit with the vibe I was trying to create with my website.

So why did I disregard my friend so quickly?

I was in my own “stuff”.  I’m a recovering perfectionist.  I’ve been struggling with this website for a while now – hardly able to get started because of the perfectionist’s angst around getting it right, having it perfect. The recovering part of me was able to let go of a lot of “perfect” and get started.  My website is not perfect AND it is more than enough.  Yes, it can improve/evolve.  I look forward to that unfolding.

So where did I get stuck?  On the image.  What I was wanting was to use my own image.  I had it in my head that it would be one of my photographs in use on the website.  When I first tried that, it didn’t work.  I tried a number of different configurations, editing the photo, cropping the photo, etc.  Nothing worked.  So I went with the beautiful image that was offered as part of the theme.

And my friend triggered me by focusing on the image.  It was a sore spot for me.  So I went to the place of shame and blame.  I felt inadequate and I took it out on my friend and the lovely image.

I’m grateful to have this friend in my life for so many reasons.  The gift she gives me every time I see her is her authenticity coupled with her ability to be in the moment and share what is unfolding for her.  Her comment about feeling slapped enabled me to stop and check-in with myself.  I could  then acknowledge my trigger and I could acknowledge my friend.

Sometimes those moments of a friend calling you on your “stuff” can be a bit scarey.  It can feel confrontational.  Coming out the other side however, I’ve found, is always a better place.  A place where feelings and needs have been acknowledged.  Where people feel heard.  It is not about right or wrong, rather it is about being vulnerable and genuine connection.

Here’s the added irony.  I decided to switch to a different theme. The image I had liked was no longer available with the new theme.  None of the new images resonated with me in a way that felt appropriate for my website.  So I tried once again to use one of my own images, and this time it worked!  Don’t know what I didn’t differently.

And the kicker – I think the image that I had poo-pooed in my moment of being triggered is actually a lovelier image than my own.  So I’m feeling inspired to take more photographs and create one that truly feels right for my website. For now the website with my image is more than enough.

 

Safe and Adventurous Travels

I’m heading off on a trip and a friend wished me “Safe and adventurous travels.”

My brow furrowed.  How can I do both of those?  Many thoughts floated through my head.  They included:

  • Adventure does not equal safe.
  • Safe does not equal adventure.
  • I actual do want both of those on this trip.  I want to feel safe AND I want to feel a sense of adventure.  I want to try new things, discover new places, take risks, and be okay on the other side.
  • I can’t have both.  I can’t be both.

And then I was reminded of one of life’s great lessons – it is full of paradox.  Along with this goes the message that some of the great joy in my life has come from breaking free of either/or thinking and embracing “Yes, both please!”

Practicing discernment, I learn to trust my inner wisdom and have the courage to act upon in.

This is one of my guiding affirmations, and guess what?, it embraces “safe and adventurous”.

Practicing discernment is about being safe.  I do my research.  I get my car serviced before I hit the road.  I let people know my rough timeline.  I’ve got my cell phone with me.

I learn to trust my inner wisdom.  I don’t actually have to have each moment of every day planned out.  I can figure some stuff out as I go. I know that I know how to read a map.

And have the courage to act on it. I’m going for it – I’m going to the trip.  The fact that I don’t know exactly what is going to happen, where I’ll be when, and what I’ll find when I get there – that’s the adventure.  I’m giving myself permission to turn right when I feel like it. I’ll follow my nose.  I’ll listen to the wind.

So yes, I can do both – I can have both of my needs for safety and adventure fulfilled. And I love the prospect of how that might creatively play out as this sort of planned sort of not planned trip gets underway.

What part of your life has you stuck in either/or right now?  What if you invited the possibility of finding a way to have more than one need met at the same time?  Just be prepared for it to look a little different than the scenarios you can see right now.

I wish for you safe and adventurous travels on the road of life.