Vulnerability x 2 | Catherine Hajnal

I’m a follower of NVC – Non-Violent Communication. Part of “following” NVC is my own practice and it is tapping into the network of folks who are committed to NVC in their own lives/work. One of the things/people I follow in that context is Miki Kashtan’s blog – Recently she posted about types of Vulnerability. Here’s an excerpt:

That was the point when the bigger surprise came. After listening to me, my friend, who’s known me for years, brought to my attention a third way in which interacting with me can be challenging. I hadn’t remembered that I often make it quite challenging for people to give me love and care unless it comes in “just so” forms which only few people ever find. While I have known this, and know where this protection originated in my childhood, I hadn’t until that day related it to my path of vulnerability. Suddenly, I saw the paradox: how could it be that after almost 16 years of being on that path it was still difficult for me to receive care in other forms than the precise ones that my organism favors? That’s when I understood that my path of vulnerability has been on my terms: I come out, by my volition, and “undefend” myself. I express myself and willingly accept consequences. This is only one side of vulnerability. I’ve not yet even begun exploring what cultivating receptive rather than volitional vulnerability would look like. I’ve had a couple of small experiences that have given me pointers to what this could be. One such experience showed me that this kind of vulnerability is about letting go of a certain kind of holding, allowing the world to “catch” me, and taking the risk that I might “fall” and there would be nothing to land on. A far greater risk to this organism than ridicule or lack of acceptance. It’s about stepping, once again and beyond infancy, into the experience of being at the mercy of others. It’s about a form of deep surrender I’ve only experienced fleetingly. Just as much as I wanted to reclaim my vulnerability when I started my path, I can almost feel the yearning to find my place, to rest in the grand scheme of things, to be part of, not so separate, not so alone.

Vulnerability is one of theme’s in my own life – indeed is a “category” for my blog! But I had not thought about the two dimensions to vulnerability that Miki mentions – receptive and volitional vulnerability. And I have talked in the past about wanting to be a better receiver – that by deflecting/pushing away/making light of – what others want to give to me, I am taking away their opportunity to be a giver. I want to be both a good giver and receiver. So when I read Miki’s blog post, I was stuck once again by the significance of receiving and by this new idea that receiving is another face of vulnerability.

As with most aspects of life, any opportunity for reframing is usually an opportunity for learning and integrating. It is helpful for me to think of receiving as an aspect of my vulnerability. So there is comfort in knowing that as I work on my vulnerability I might also be enhancing my capacity to receive.

The invitation now is to direct some of my attention to receptive vulnerability – to finding some spaciousness around what I let in – surrendering to what might come my way that doesn’t arrive in a “package” I’m used to. When I launch a rocket of desire – something/someone/some idea that I’m wanting to manifest in my life I often add “this or something better, something that serves my higher good.” Feeling like even more can come into my purview now as I practice receptive vulnerability.

How are you at giving with vulnerability and receiving with vulnerability?